My Armor Owns Your Ashtrays
by shiningbrood
Summary: Havoc realizes just how cute his fellow co-worker is, and with Al back in his flesh-and-blood body, how can Havoc possibly resist? Havoc X Al. Shounen Ai. Rated T for language and possible naughty tidbits. FINISHED
1. Resistance is Futile

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**Chapter One: Perfectly in Havoc, No, Wait, Harmony**

It was perfectly normal for such a reaction to occur. Yes, completely, absolutely, positively normal to think that a younger man was cute. Alright, maybe cute wasn't enough to describe him. Adorable, hot, and sexy go nicely along in there, too.

"—Havoc. Got it?" First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye asked, before slamming her hands on top of the spaced-out Second Lieutenant's desk, "Havoc! Are you listening to me?!"

"Y-yes, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" the chain-smoker replied, trying his best to remove his eyes from the other blonde, young man's ass.

"Alright, I'll say this again, Alphonse needs a place to stay because he'd been sent back here not too long after regaining his own flesh, so, Ed has asked that you take care of him. Got it?" the stoic woman repeated. Honestly, couldn't the woman wait until he was done ogling—wait, backtrack there.

"Sure, that'd be okay, why wouldn't it?"

"_Because_, Lieutenant, you have a tendency to go out frequenting the local pubs almost _every other day_. Honestly, can you make sure you're sober while living with him?"

"Right, I promise I'll only get hammered once or twice a week—" Hawkeye had made sure he heard the cocking of her pistol, "—er, did I say week? I meant month…" the man said, doing his best to keep the First Lieutenant from putting any more holes in the wall. Or himself.

"So you're sure it'll be okay that Alphonse lives with you for anywhere from a week to three months?" she asked one last time.

"Yes, I'm sure. _Very_," Havoc purred absent-mindedly, as his gaze strayed back to the other blonde male.

"Good. And Havoc, make sure you sleep in _different_ rooms, okay?" Hawkeye smirked before making her way towards the door.

"You just have to suck the fun out of everything, don't you?" Havoc called after her.

_Shit, did I say that out loud?_

On the second floor, in the hallway between the third and fourth rooms of Central's military headquarters, Riza Hawkeye literally laughed out loud.

* * *

So, here's the first chapter of this series of drabbles. Yes, it's short, but you'll live without a grand opening. Please Read and Review!


	2. Lemon Zest is Commonly Used in Cooking

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**The First Night: Warning! LEMON (zest)**

After a long, hard day's work, Havoc found himself driving home with his newly found, living poster. They'd lightly chatted about life, the universe, and everything, and discovered that Al, having just gotten his body back two months ago, had taken a shot for just about every disease and minor ailment under the sun, from the common cold to tuberculosis.

"Well, they said just about anything could've killed me and that it was a miracle I'm still alive," Al concluded, rubbing his arm sorely.

"Better safe than sorry, kid," Havoc said, sending him a distracted smile as he tried to not hit a car going in the opposite direction. The fourth one, already.

Pulling up to the standard-issue military dorms, the two armed themselves with Al's luggage and proceeded to walk up the stairs. Honestly, could they have an elevator installed already?!

"Here, I'll take the couch and you can sleep in my room," Havoc said, flopping down on said piece of furniture and starting to undress, frowning slightly. _Well, at least I'll live to see tomorrow if Hawkeye comes to check, she _does_ have a spare set of keys,_ he thought.

"Er, okay, I-I'll just…" the boy stuttered, walking swiftly to the other room before Havoc could start on his pants, not noticing the grin plastered on Havoc's face.

* * *

Sometime during the deathly hours of the night, Al had found himself with a very heavy Havoc lying on top of him in nothing but his shorts. How long he had been there, he had no idea, but he was going to change that before he suffocated.

"Um, Havoc, sir?" he tried, poking the man in the shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Could you, um…" Al said awkwardly, a little surprised that the other man was still awake.

"Mm, I think I'll sleep on it," Havoc said, smiling into the pillow.

"Could you…not?"

"On certain, special conditions," he muttered, wrapping his arms around the other blonde.

_Dare I ask? _Al thought, _I mean, what's the worst that could happen? It's Havoc I'm talking about here._ "Special conditions?"

"Well, your shirt buttons are a little painful, could you take it off?" he asked, rolling over so Al could do so, but just enough so that he wouldn't fall off the bed. After all, it was only meant for one person.

_No harm there. After a couple hours, I suppose they'd start digging in,_ Al thought, removing his button down pajama shirt.

"Your pants aren't very comfortable, either," Havoc said, shifting his legs against Al's for better emphasis, _This is almost too easy, Al. Please notice so we can have some real fun,_ he thought, hiding his face in the pillow to cover up the smile.

_Straight as an arrow, Al, _straight as an arrow._ There's no way Havoc could be thinking what I think he probably is,_ Al thought, proceeding to remove his pants.

"Alright, now for your bottoms," Havoc said, not even trying to hide it this time, guiding his fingers along the younger man's side and down toward the nether regions.

"Ah, crap. I'm such an idiot," Al said, attempting to crawl out of the bed while trying his best to ignore the euphoric sensation in his body.

"Yes, yes you are, but you make for an incredibly adorable and innocent rape victim," Havoc purred, tracing his tongue along Al's jaw line.

"_Fuck._"

Which is exactly what they did.

* * *

Right, so, here's the next part. You have been forewarned from the title of this chapter and the summary, so no complaints about naughtiness! I know it seems rather rushed and, well, it's starting to look like that.

Note: It will most likely be edited in the future.


	3. The Biggest Mistake of My Life

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

This chapter starts off with Al's point of view, then switches over to Havoc's, then back to Al's, for all of you who are unsure of who exactly is speaking. Or thinking.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**The First Morning: Not a Happy Morning-Goer at All**

I awoke to the sound of him chattering amiably into the phone and the smell of bacon. "Ick" was the first thought that came to my mind, but suddenly, a plateful of heavily greased, smoked pork flesh sounded very appetizing. I rolled over so that I could plant my face into the pillow: I wasn't ready for the day to come. First we'd have to talk this through, then I'd have to go and take a test. After mixing up the thoughts of breakfast, sleep, and thereby sex, work, and Havoc, I decided to roll over again, unfortunately, out of bed and onto the floor.

"Heh, hey there, sunshine," he smiled down at me, already dressed for the workday, "Breakfast's on the table, so I'll be heading out now."

"Wait, not yet, I'm not ready for work!" I said, rushing to the unpacked suitcase in the corner of the room, pulling out some clothes and morning utensils, and attempted to dive head first into the bathroom. Of course, expecting the painful bang of my face on bathroom-tile, it took me a little while to notice that I was being held mid-flight.

"You? Work? I hadn't heard about this," he said, grinning as I squirmed around in his arms.

"Well, Havoc, it's more of a job interview, now let me go, damn it!" I said, attempting to get a good kick at the shins.

"Not too happy in the mornings, are we?" he said, that irritating smirk plastered on his face as I struggled to get into the bathroom and presentable.

"Well, I don't feel comfortable in my rapist's arms, armed with nothing but the sheet I slept in, my toothbrush, and a set of clothes in my hands."

"Fine, then do you need a ride?" he offered.

"Yes, now let me down, Havoc!" I said, as he dropped me unceremoniously on the hallway floor.

* * *

He managed to brush, wash, get dressed, and wolf down breakfast in a little over five minutes then stomped around the house impatiently and a little angrily, waiting for me to finish my coffee. If he wasn't so cute doing that in his black tank and cargos, and was a little more menacing, I might have drank it a little bit faster, but for now, I guess I'm fine.

"So, where's this job interview of yours?" I asked, taking my time and enjoying my coffee. And Al's annoyed expression, of course.

"Well, the State Alchemist's exam is today and I already mailed in my application form last week." I suppose I should take his mind off of last night for a little bit and possibly soften any future blows to directed at myself.

"Following in your brother's footsteps, I see," I said, taking another sip of my drink. Really, I could do this all day.

"No, I'm not, it's just convenient. This way, I get to keep an eye on Ed and work with friends at the same time," he said, tapping his foot impatiently. He forgot the part about making a fortune, damn bastards.

"Ah, I see," I said, taking another long, slow sip, watching him take out the anxiety on his lower lip. I guess now would be a bad time to be talking about our wonderful night together, "So when is this test? Maybe I'll—"

"_In five minutes._"

"Oh," I said, taking another sip before spitting it back out and into the sink, realizing what he just said, "_Holy shit, five minutes?!_"

Sex talk could wait.

* * *

After shooting down a good twenty blocks in what one would think would be a missile, taking a simple written exam, and successfully completing the presentation of how well we can transmute random things such as rocks, trees, and dirt into something completely awesome like an identical copy of Havoc's military-issue car, including cigarettes, random pieces of paper that seemed to litter the car's glove compartment, and other such things, it all boiled down to me passing. Yay.

"—and finally, since I can't seem to think up some creative title to give you," the Fuhrer rambled, "you'll just be 'Al, the State Alchemist.' Is that okay?"

"I suppose that's fine for now, thank you," I said, trying my best not to laugh or snicker. Considering this was the man who wrote my paycheck and all, I probably shouldn't. In fact, I'm fairly surprised that I passed, considering I have a reputation for being a big softie.

"I assume you'd like to work under Mustang, Alphonse?" the Fuhrer asked good-naturedly.

"Well, it'd be ideal. I mean, who's going to look after Ed if not his own brother?" I replied, hoping that my trump card would work. Oooh yes, Ed's destructive tendencies have cost this nation a lot. Two months ago, his paycheck was five dollars, and just think: State Alchemists make a truckload of money.

"Ah, well if you put it that way, then I guess you'll be working with them, then. Good luck—er, uh, I mean have fun, soldier!" he said, handing me my certificate and a referral to be sent to Mustang, "And don't forget to pick up a uniform, later," he made sure make me aware of that, seeing as how Ed chose not to. On second thought, I'm sure he's much happier that the Fullmetal Alchemist _doesn't_ where the country's colors.

"Thank you, sir!" I saluted, walking out of the room and into the working world.

_Good times await me, I'm sure_, I thought, walking down the hallway, _I mean, I now have a very good income, a title-to-be, and, for now, a place to stay. And all I have to do is watch my brother, been there done that, probably paperwork, and the odd mission or two. Besides, I'm already friends with the guys at the office._

Nearing the office, I could hear two muffled gunshots and Hawkeye screaming, "Breda!" and him answering "I swear it wasn't me!" Sighing, I opened the door to my new life.

_My god, what have I done?_

* * *

Well, this is the 3rd chapter, hope you like it. I tried to make this one as...well, decent as possible, considering the fact that the more and more I reread my 2nd chapter, it really _did_ seem like just an excuse to get them to have some late night fun. Thank you, Makayla, for pointing this out because I didn't actually take the time to reread it and edit it before I sent it out.

In any case, for a little background info, I decided to push things up about 3 years, so Al should be 17 right now. How old Havoc is, I have no idea, but he should be 3 years older than he is in the anime/manga. Can someone tell me his original age? Also, anyone know what the year is? Random facts, yes, I know, but it'd be nice to know them, in case I actually use them. I also can't remember when Havoc Appreciation Day was. As my friend duly noted, I am "bad at using the google function."


	4. Vitamin C

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**The Second Night: You Should Always Make Sure You Get a Healthy Dose of Vitamin C.  
**

After successfully accomplishing next to nothing for the rest of the day, the guys at the office had decided to celebrate the youngest Elric's induction into the military by going out for dinner. Not only was it good for building office relationships, Hawkeye decided it would be a great opportunity to pry into Al's first night at Havoc's apartment. It wasn't everyday that the blonde chain-smoker had decided to pick a younger man for a love interest, after all. Alphonse was, after all, now 17 years old, the year when the average man is most sexually active.

"So, Alphonse, how was your first night here in Central?" Hawkeye asked, taking a sip from her glass of water, making sure she wasn't completely out of it to actually remember all this information. Man on man relationships made good gossip in the women's restroom, after all.

"Uh, it was…restless, so to speak," Al said, trying not to let the woman see how nervous he was. It wasn't everyday that you got banged by a co-worker.

"Oh? How so?" she prodded, trying her best to hide that little smirk of hers.

"Er, well, I pulled an all-nighter studying for today's exam," Al said, "Havoc's incessant smoking didn't help either."

She couldn't help but notice the small, short glare he sent at Havoc, sitting to his left, which he cleverly tried to hide by leaning his head on his hand. _Very clever, Al, and I'm fairly sure that everyone else here is either too stupid,_ she thought, looking at Breda, _or too hammered to realize just what kind of conversation we're having,_ this time she glanced at the Colonel.

"I'm sure," _liar_, "but you should've asked for Havoc to stop, I'm sure he would've."

"Oh, I _did_, but he just wouldn't," _devil-woman, stop asking, and why do I keep answering?_ "You know how he is," he said, giving Havoc an irritated look. In Havoc's state of tipsiness, his hand had started to slowly creep up Al's leg.

"Well," Breda started with a long, drunken drawl, "you really should let the kid shtudy. Shame on you, Jean."

"Yeah, maybe, but it's so much more fun than reading books," the other man replied, the only thing showing how hammered he actually was, was his flushed skin.

"In any case, maybe you'd like to move in with me, for some peace and quiet?" Hawkeye said, rolling her eyes at the drunken idiots.

"Uh, well, it's only been one night and I don't think I have to study—" he inhaled sharply, and glared at the man on his left, which was met with what would seem to be a cocky grin, "since I don't have any more tests to take."

_Ah hah, so it's mutual_, the stony-faced woman thought, shrugging off Mustang's arm, which had "accidentally" fallen around her shoulders. _Or maybe he's just confused and doesn't know what to do,_ she thought, looking across the table and taking note of the small beads of perspiration accumulating on the sides of Al's face and the blush she knew he was holding back. _Nah._

"Alright, then, have fun," she winked.

_Oh my god, she knows and she might _tell, Alphonse panicked, extricating Havoc's arm from his lap, which had started to work on his pants, "I will."

After a few more drinks and the clearing of plates, Hawkeye declared it was time to leave. After all, the crew was causing quite a ruckus, poor Fuery having passed out on the floor with Falman trying to give him CPR…and was applying pressure to his forehead. Breda and Roy had managed to pull enough brain power to start a small, drunken ditty. Havoc had managed to lift Al out of the chair and onto his lap, with much protest, and was slinking his arm up Al's shirt. Ignoring the excited chatter of the waitresses about how two good-looking boys were getting it on with each other in their restaurant, Hawkeye paid the bill for them and managed to drag Alphonse out the front door with her.

"Please don't make him drive us home," Al said, pulling up his pants and redoing them.

"It looks like I'll be doing the driving tonight," Hawkeye sighed, but continued her interrogation, "So how was he?"

"Do you have to ask?" Al said, blushing freely.

"Yes, your brother might want to know," _Sczeska is so totally going to freak_.

"Mm, he might not want to," Al muttered, "He was, uh, feeling particularly…oh forget it, he was overpowering."

"Oh," was all Hawkeye could think of to say. She expected more prodding and less straightforwardness from Al, but hey, it made things easier.

"I mean, it's not like I don't like him or anything, it's just…"

"Confusing."

"Yes, that works," Al said, "Also, do you have a spare lock or something I could borrow for tonight?"

"No, I don't. Why do you ask?" she replied, knowing exactly where this was going.

"Damn it, tonight might be a little…rough, so to speak," Al said, hanging his head in his hands.

"Of course, did you expect anything else?" Havoc said, stepping out of the restaurant doorway and locking his arms around the other man, tracing circles on his chest.

"Help me," Al said, though it fell on almost deaf ears, "This may not be a pleasant experience."

_Liar_, Hawkeye thought, "You'll be fine, and Colonel! Let go of Breda's neck and get into the damn car!"

Riza Hawkeye, proud mother of five, had managed to throw the rest of her brood into the backseat of her car and had driven off, leaving behind a whimpering Al on the sidewalk, with one of her middle "sons" to play with him. Picking his, or what Havoc would like to think of him as his, lover up bridal-style and depositing him in the car, the blonde man drove them home.

* * *

_Damn it, he's not as drunk as I hoped he was_, Al thought, opening the door and being immediately body slammed onto the couch. Havoc had already ripped off Al's shirt and began the tantalizing process of foreplay. Not at all happy of what he knew was coming, Al managed to roll off the couch, sending Havoc down with him, thanked gravity, and sprinted to the resident's bedroom.

"Moving fast, are we?" Havoc replied, walking down the hallway and shedding his military-issue jacket. A slam of the door and a slight hum was all that it took for Havoc to realize what exactly happened. Mostly.

"Ya' know, I could've sworn my bedroom door was right here."

* * *

This is it for the next piece. It might just be one of the longest things I have ever written . Anyway, in regards to Kikyo-Killer2.0's question, I have no idea if there will be any RoyEd in this thing. It's easier to work with side-characters because they're not as developed and I can mold the other guys more freely. Take Hawkeye, for example, I've made her into a freaky yaoi fangirl who is all buddy-buddy with a freaky super-nerd. On the inside, of course. Although Ed's pretty well rounded, I don't particularly like writing about him, though I'm sure I can get a few good tidbits in.

To Ijustgottadance: No one asked you to read it. Though yes, I know, this is an odd pairing. Then again, you don't want to read the same lemony RoyEd/RoyHavoc/EdWin stuff all the time, do you? It's good to broaden your horizons.

On another note: that little thing about being a 17 year old guy may or may not be true. My friend told me that that was the average age, but I don't know.

Still waiting on answers to my questions from the previous chapter, if anyone would like to share.


	5. The Sandman

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**The Second Morning: The Sandman likes to put drugs in your sleepy-sand.  
**

After waking up at the ungodly hour of 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday, Alphonse decided it was time to give Havoc back his bedroom door. After all, the over-stimulated Second Lieutenant seemed pretty safe in the mornings. Debating whether or not he should actually do anything else took the boy a good 15 minutes before heading back to bed, deciding that sleep was far better than anything else he could possibly be doing at 7:45 AM.

Two hours passed before Al woke up, next. He wasn't sure exactly why he woke up, but he thought he knew the answer to that.

_I could've sworn I put on my pajamas before I went to sleep_, he thought, and then with a sudden realization, looked towards the door, which was cracked slightly. _And I'm certain that I didn't go to sleep naked,_ Al thought, spreading his arms out across the bed on both sides, knowing just exactly what he would hit.

"Good morning," Havoc purred, hugging Al affectionately. Much to his surprise, there was no resistance.

"Mm, you woke me up," Al grumbled, rolling to his side to return the hug, "Now you stay here and be a good naked pillow."

"But pillows don't make good playmates," Havoc said, kissing his forehead.

"My point exactly," the other man replied, stretching his legs.

"Fine, be that way," Havoc said, reaching into one of the nightstands next to the bed. Rolling onto his back and sitting up, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a good puff.

"Smoking's bad for you," Al said, snuffing it with his thumb and index finger.

"I know," Havoc said, attempting to light another. Much to his chagrin, he was once again thwarted in his attempt to satiate his craving when Al transmuted his lighter into…well, a lighter. Puzzled by this, he tried again, only succeeding in getting the cigarette a little wet. Grunting a irritably, he poked Al in the shoulder, "Fix it."

"Only if you don't want to cuddle," planting his face into the pillow.

"Now that's not fair."

"Deal with it."

"Oh, I will," Havoc grinned, pouncing on top of the unsuspecting Al.

"On second thought, I think it's time for breakfast," Al said, pecking Havoc on the lips. Taking advantage of the sudden stupor Havoc was in, Al flipped him over, kissed his cheek, and fled the room with a pair of pants and a shirt in hand.

"I wonder what's gotten into him," Havoc said aloud, touching his cheek, "It must be that time of the month."

After deciding that was exactly what was going on, he rolled out of bed, pulled some clothes out of the closet, and began dressing.

_Oh wait, that doesn't happen to guys, right?_

* * *

That's it for this chapter. It's fairly short and might seem a little bland, but that might just be me. It's basically just a description of how foggy your brain might seem when you first wake up through Alphonse and Havoc, of course.


	6. Boy Problems

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**Chapter Six: The Man of this Relationship! Might Possibly be Al.**

After wasting away the weekend doing pretty much nothing, in Havoc's opinion, it was time to go to work. What exactly brought about Alphonse's sudden change of behavior was beyond him, but he did happen to notice a few things. For one, he was no longer sleeping on the couch in the living room. Al's mutuality with their relationship was also strange to him; it sucked the fun out of sex.

The man had plenty of time to think about this, Al getting his measurements and all for the uniform and the tailor who just kept speaking and absentmindedly poked the 17 year old time and again, he decided he would have to pinpoint the source of all his unrest. Or lack thereof.

Maybe, just maybe, Havoc didn't actually _want_ to be in a relationship. Going after people was good fun and all, but the commitment didn't sound too pleasant. Of course, he was genuinely happy that he could share the same bed with Al, so that probably wasn't it. Ignoring the "no smoking" sign hanging up in the corner of the room, Havoc decided it was time for a smoke. The buzzing rush of nicotine might help him think better.

It could be the fact that their relationship wasn't exactly normal. First, they were guys. Second, they were a good deal apart in age. Third…well, there wasn't a third, but Havoc was sure he could think one up by the time Al got down from the chair where he'd been poked in the arm for not commenting on one of the woman's remarks a few too many times.

To describe the relationship he was in, Havoc decided he might need a dictionary because certainly, his brain did not have the right adjective to describe it. Maybe Al's did, but his certainly didn't and this was bothering him.

"Nah, it couldn't be," he muttered, scratching his head in confusion.

"What was that?!" the woman snapped, jabbing Al in the ribs with her needle in a moment of fury.

"Oh, uh, you look…" Havoc started, watching Al mouth the right thing to say, "as thin as ever…Mrs….Cunningham."

_Phew, that was close._ You could never tell what that old bat would do to you if you said the wrong thing. He remembered when Breda had to get his uniform repaired, once, said the wrong thing, and came into work with a…rather form-fitting version suffocating the poor, plump man. Nevertheless, it was not a pretty sight. However, Al was cute and she did happen to like him, so nothing bad would happen, or so he hoped.

Snapping out of his small reverie, he went back to thinking why exactly he wasn't happy with his situation. He _was_ happy, but not in the way where it's like you win the lotto. Reviewing all his thoughts, he went back to the "Al is smarter than me" train of thought. That was probably where it all lied, that he was inferior. Was he not good enough for him? Although, it may not be that he was below him, rather that they were on equal terms. There was no "man" in this relationship because, well, for obvious reasons and Havoc wasn't all too comfortable in this situation. That was it, he didn't know how to _treat_ Al.

Deciding that _this_ must definitely be the problem, Havoc walked out of the small shop with his unofficial boyfriend. His silly little issues could wait 'till later, he needed to ask Al out to lunch and possibly cut work in the process.

_But Al needn't know about that part,_ Havoc thought, smiling and taking Al's hand in his. Maybe he'd fill the role of the "man."

"Let's go out for lunch, Havoc," and there went that idea.

* * *

This is the next one, hope you guys like it.

At first, I was going to go with the idea that Havoc didn't like it and thus would lead to the breakdown of the relationship. HOWEVER, I've realized they've only been together for about four days and that they didn't need that kind of drama, yet. So, the situation we have here is that Havoc contemplates what exactly he should be doing. I'm sure that any potentially straight guy would have to take a breather and figure out what to do with his date when it turns out it's another man.

And yes, the ads make me laugh, too, Kikyo. XD


	7. Bananas

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**Chapter Seven: Bananas**

The dead of night had always been a time of thinking for Alphonse Elric. He'd thought that it would have stopped once he regained his flesh-and-blood body, but he supposed he'd thought wrong. A normal person _does_ need to sleep, after all.

_I've finally become a State Alchemist_, he thought, sighing happily, as if the fact that he joined the military would bring him some peace and quiet. _Heh, fat chance. There's _always_ something going on at the office and we might all get split up for the sake of peace,_ he thought, eyebrows furrowing.

Al really didn't enjoy the fact that they'd all get split apart and sent far away from each other. He had an attachment to all of them in some way. The Colonel would forever be somewhat of a mentor to him, and hopefully his brother, though one could never tell if Ed was going to say "Thanks" or "Go to fucking hell!" Hawkeye had always let him play with Hayate whenever they weren't busy and always had something nice to say to him, when she wasn't threatening people with bullets and the removal of someone's manhood. He'd learned a lot about food and cooking from Breda, though it was more from the observation of what the man enjoyed rather than showing the teen how to prepare it. Fuery was fun to be around, the two being similar enough and Falman was always there to keep an eye on them all.

_And then there's Havoc. Oh yes, there's been a lot of that going around this past week, and I'm sure there's much more to come if Ed finds out,_ Al thought, his gaze wandering over to his unofficial boyfriend. Even in his sleep, the man couldn't let go of the other blonde, arms locked tight around his waist. _I wish he would turn off his sex drive for one night_, he thought, a small smile gracing his lips. He'd never been sure how he felt about the guy, but most definitely thought of him as nothing more than a good friend. Recently, that thought had changed into something a little different. _Alright, completely different_.

Thoroughly content with the situation at present, Al had unconsciously started tallying things off in an imaginary checklist. Havoc was tall, handsome, and clever when he wanted to be. He was corny, but sweet and had a good sense of humor. The man had a decent salary and knew how to drive.

_Oh did he know how to _drive_, _Al thought, smiling dreamily and leaning closer into Havoc's warm embrace. _His body is to die for, at least in my opinion,_ he thought, tracing his finger along the sleeping Havoc's muscles. _I suppose he needs to stay fit for service_, he thought, suddenly remembering Breda, and decided to drop the thought. In any case, the man certainly knew how to…entertain his guests, for lack of better words.

"Mm, and your _banana_, Havoc," Al thought aloud, burying his face in the man's chest.

Suddenly realizing just what exactly he had said, Al bolted upright, looked to the sleeping figure of Havoc, and grunted unhappily. _Perversion is contagious,_ he thought, deciding it was time to give his brain a rest and go to sleep.

"Do you prefer it chocolate covered, then?" Havoc said, waking from his 'nap' and grinning like the Cheshire cat.

* * *

Well, this is the next one. I swear I was going somewhere with this, honest! I think. Sorry for the wait.

In any case, thank you Kikyo for the lovely list of words and Kale for your lovely list of anime and the book.


	8. Hormonal Teens

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**Chapter Eight: Alphonse is Just Like Every Other Teenager Out There. Whiney.**

He wasn't exactly sure _how_ it happened. It just wasn't possible! Did the kid manage to help plot a pet-shop jailbreak or something? There was no way Al could have found so many in such a short amount of time. Unless…unless it built up over time, since he hadn't gotten his hands on any in a few days, but…

"I can't believe it," Havoc thought aloud, banging his head against the kitchen table and groaning loudly.

"I know, isn't it great?" Alphonse said, cuddling with the nearest ball of fur in sight. Havoc would have thought the sight adorable and would've taken a picture under normal circumstances, however…they were _everywhere_. In his shoes, in his favorite coffee mug, in his bed, under his bed, in the bathtub, _everywhere._

"Alphonse, when did all of this happen?" Havoc asked, trying his best to sound calm.

"This morning."

"No, no, _now_ it's morning," Havoc grumbled, pointing grumpily at the clock on the wall, "_Before_ was not morning. Better yet, where did all these _cats_ come from?!"

"The street," Al answered and gave Havoc a look, questioning his sanity. I mean, where else would cats come from?

"Al. We have about a dozen or so of these little guys in here. _A dozen._ How in the world did you find—"

"—Seventeen to be exact."

"Right, seventeen. _Seventeen?!_ Alphonse, we are not keeping all of these _damn cats_!" Havoc shouted, banging his fist against the table for better emphasis, causing a nearby kitten to roll off the table and onto the floor, bringing the centerpiece with it. And slowly, slowly, Alphonse's expression began to change. That's when Havoc realized what he'd just said, bringing his hand up to his mouth.

"Why not?!" Alphonse cried angrily, putting down the cat in his arms and glaring fiercely at the other man.

"Uh, well, hon', ya' see…" Havoc said, not entirely sure how to deal with the furious teen. One would think that the entire office would be used to Alphonse bringing in strays and asking if he could keep it. Occasionally, the members of the office had to tell the poor boy no, that he couldn't keep it, when his brother wasn't around. _This was so much easier when he was solid steel._

"_Well_?" Alphonse said, angry tone and body language speaking much louder than his actual voice. All the signs of lonely nights in place, all poor Havoc could do was gulp and stutter out the response.

"W-well, Al," he began, backing down a little more when he noticed that the arms on the sides of Al's chair were no longer…well, present. "_Fine_, we can keep the—" Havoc started again, a little depressed, but interrupted by a loud crash. And there went his favorite mug. _His_ mug in _his_ apartment that he had to now clean up with _his_ own time and would most likely be paying for the pet food with _his_ money. "God damn it, Al, _no_!"

"But why?!" Al cried, angry demeanor gone, desperate puppy-dog eyes on display, "_Puh-lease_?"

"No."

_And so, desperate times call for desperate measures_, Al thought, sliding out of his chair and into Havoc's lap. It didn't take long for Havoc to realize what was happening, but by then it was already too late. Alphonse was sitting in his lap, placing kisses all over his face, and his hands were roaming all over the other man. And oh were they _roaming_.

"A-are you seducing me?" Havoc said, bewildered.

"Yes."

"Well, it won't work. I am a man of many great things and resisting temptation is one of the things I'm very good at!" Havoc said, crossing his arms and frowning heavily.

"We'll see." And off went his pants.

* * *

He did not know how it happened. Alright, that was a lie, he knew full well how. The thing was, he didn't _want_ to believe it. Unfortunately, the girls on the street would _not_ leave him alone about it.

"Mommy, mommy! Can I walk Miko when we get home?" a child asked his mother happily, earning him a quirked eyebrow.

"Why would you want to do that?" his mother asked.

"Well, the big mister over there is doing it!"

And deep inside, Havoc knew that he had lost all sense of dignity. Now if only this cat would cooperate and actually walk.

"Damn cats."

* * *

Well, that's it for this one. I liked writing this one a lot, but it might be because I had good company IMing me. Thanks for everyone who's reading, your support is welcome.

I figured I'd start moving away from writing about sex. I mean, it was fun and amusing the first few times, but it's getting a little old. HOWEVER, I couldn't resist that tidbit towards the end.


	9. Eye Candy, Kinda'

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**Chapter Nine: Fluffy, Mewing, Cuddly Eye Candy**

Happily walking into his humble abode after a hard day's work, I sat down on the couch, hit the power on the television set, and propped my legs up on the coffee table. It was a good day. _Maybe Al wouldn't notice, maybe he wouldn't care, or _maybe—

"_Jean Havoc_," _I spoke too soon_.

"Yes, Al? What is it?" I answered, lighting a cigarette and puffing on it lazily.

"You know," Al said, sitting down next to me, smiling a fake smile.

"No, I really don't," I said, picking up Freddy, the year-old orange tabby cat and petting him gently.

"Where are they?" he asked.

"On vacation."

"Cats don't go on vacation, Havoc," he said, dangerous fake-smile in place.

"Well, it's not like we could've kept _all_ of them. You're lucky we still have Freddy," I said, taking another puff.

"Well it's not like we could keep _all_ your cigarettes. You're lucky we still have that last carton," he mimicked, causing me to jump in surprise. He did _not_ throw away all my cigarettes. "See?" Oh, thank god he was joking.

"But can we please be realistic here?" I said, giving him a hug.

"I suppose you're right," he said, returning the embrace. Unfortunately for me, I forgot that Freddy was in my lap. Freddy was in my lap, being crushed between the hug. And he promptly told me so.

"We're getting him declawed, Al," I said, rubbing my stomach where I'd been scratched.

"No, we're not, it'll hurt him. Lots," he said, taking the creature and placing him on the floor.

"We're getting him declawed _and_ neutered," There's no way in hell I'm taking the chance that we might get _more_ cats.

"What if I said I threw all the lighter fluid away, replaced your smokes with those candy cigarettes, and wanted to have _you_ neutered?" he bit back, untangling my arms from around him, and walking into the kitchen, presumably to feed the sole cat in our possession.

"You wouldn't say that," I said, laughing a little, "Right?"

"No, I wouldn't," he yelled from the kitchen, "Now are you ever going to quit smoking or what?"

"Are you ever going to stop bringing animals home?" I asked, and received no answer, "Right, then."

* * *

At around 9 o'clock that night, we had an unexpected visitor. Well, a dozen or so of them. And it was a good thing Al was out cold.

"Take them _back_," Hawkeye said, walking into the house in civilian clothing with a cardboard box. And it was _mewing_.

"No. No, no, _no_," I said, giving her back the mewing box of kittens, "And don't let Al hear them."

"I refuse to have these creatures in my building," she said, glaring icily at me, "There's no way Fuery can take care all of them."

That's when Breda decided to walk in with another box of them.

"Really, Jean, just take them to the kennel or something," he said, putting the box on the floor.

"Why couldn't _you_ guys do that?" I said angrily.

"Because. Now, _Fuery_, come in here with that last box!" Hawkeye yelled, only to be met with nothing but the sound of mewing kittens and cats. "_Fuery_, start acting like a Sergeant Major and get your ass in here!"

"But why only _five_?!" he cried, finally coming in, hugging the box affectionately.

"Because I had _seven_ in my apartment!" she countered, poking him in the chest angrily.

"And I had the other four!" Breda said, clapping the guy on the shoulder.

"Wait, wait, but I gave them all to Kain," I said, scratching my head, "Whatever, now what are we going to do with all of these—"

"Kitties!" Al said, bounding out of the bedroom in his PJs.

"Well, I have the perfect idea," Hawkeye said.

And Elysia Hughes was a very happy little girl the next day, unlike her father.

"Revenge is sweet."

* * *

So, this is it for the next one. I don't think I'll be able to write anything over this weekend, so goodbye for now!


	10. Busted!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

Here's a treat for all of you guys!

**Chapter Ten: Busted!  
**

It was a normal, almost quiet day at the office. If you ignored the gunshots and screaming, that is. Sighing and standing up for his fifth or so coffee break, Havoc stood up and walked out of the room, ignoring the threats Hawkeye had screamed at his retreating back. He'd deal with it later. If anything, Al would protect him, Hawkeye always did have a soft spot for Al.

"Hey, Havoc, long time no see," a short, blonde-haired boy wearing a red coat said, walking past him.

"Yeah, you too, Chief," Havoc said, walking out the front door, sitting on the bench, and taking a puff on a newly lit cigarette. It took a minute or two for Havoc just who he just spoke to.

"Uh, oh."

* * *

There was a distinct clatter of noise that Ed decided he would ignore coming from Al's direction, when he walked into the office. Everything looked basically the same, though Al had his own desk, now. He didn't approve of his baby brother's joining of the military, but a job was a job. As long as a war or two didn't pop up anytime soon…

"Hey guys, nice to see you again," he said, walking into the room and sitting down in a nearby chair, Havoc's currently vacant one.

"Welcome back, Edward," Hawkeye said, smiling warmly as Black Hayate decided to sit on the boy. Now, Hayate was no longer a cute, pint-sized puppy. Oh, no, no, he'd grown up to be an adorably cute, fluffy, 3-foot tall husky. Who Ed could've sworn just broke his automail leg. The creaking sound of strained metal didn't seem to help, either.

"Hi, Lieutenant. Now, Hayate! _Down_!" he shouted. It didn't seem like Black Hayate was a very good student in obedience school.

"Oh, that's so cute," Fuery said, patting the dog on his head and saying hello to Ed.

"Whatever you say, Fuery, whatever you—" Breda started, only to get a warning glare from Hawkeye, "I mean, yes, yes, he's adorable."

"Well, we're glad to have you back, Ed," Falman said, jingling the large dog's leash, Black Hayate bounding off of Ed's lap and onto the floor. It was, after all, time for his walk.

"You should probably report in," Al said, hiding three or four picture frames under the desk. _It might not be good if my brother saw these. He might freak out_, Al thought.

"Right, right, time to go say hello to the bastard," he grumbled darkly, "How in the world is someone like him our superior?"

"My guess is he slept with a higher up's wife," Hawkeye said uncharacteristically, a few blank stares sent her way, "What?"

"Uh, I'll be right back," Ed said, walking towards the Colonel's office, "I bet it's that time of the month," he whispered to the guys, just a little bit too loudly. Loud enough for Hawkeye to command Hayate to "play." Unfortunately for the very large dog, the Fullmetal Alchemist was no longer in the room.

"Hey guys, the Chief's back!" Havoc yelled, running into the office.

"Yes, we know," Falman said, "And where have you been?"

"Smoking, obviously. Put that out, Havoc," Al said, grimacing slightly and pointing at the white stick in Havoc's mouth, receiving no response, "Put it out or I'm not kissing you at all, today."

"Fine," he said, "But anyway, this means Al's moving out!"

"No more late-night 'snacks', eh, Jean?" Breda laughed.

"Shut up, Breda!"

"Well, I'm sure it'll all work out, somehow," Fuery offered, trying to be optimistic.

"No, no it won't," Hawkeye said, crushing his words and ignoring the spoiled dog's whining. He wanted to go and he wanted to go _now_. A look from his master told him he'd just have to wait.

"What are we going to do, A—" Havoc began, clasping his hands around Al's,and interrupted by a very loud bang and a muffled "Shut the fuck up!"

"They're at it again," Hawkeye sighed.

"As I was saying, what are we—" Another bang and a thump.

"I don't kn—" Al started, interrupted by another thump. Really, all these sounds were just so distracting.

"Have you ever wondered what exactly they're doing in there?" Breda thought aloud.

"They're probably killing each other," Hawkeye mused, hoping they weren't, "We should probably—" a muffled "Ouch!" "—stop them or something."

Walking over to Colonel Roy Mustang's private office, Fuery knocked on the door.

"Sir, is everything okay in there?" he asked hesitantly, sure that nothing was wrong.

"Yes, everything's f-fine," the Colonel said, voice seemingly strained as if he was in pain.

"You are clearly not," Hawkeye said, trying to open the door only to be met by the stubborn resistance of a lock.

"W-wait, don't come in—" BANG! And there went the doorknob, "—yet!"

"Oh—" Hawkeye started.

"—my—" that was Falman.

"—fucking—" that was Breda.

"—G—" Fuery tried, but was interrupted by a very happy Havoc.

"Ah hah! I knew it!" Havoc shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at the now buttoning up pair, Al snapping as many pictures as he could with his camera. Why he had one, the world would never know. Untangling himself from the infamous Roy Mustang, Ed pulled his pants up and threw one of their shirts onto the other man.

"Sh-sh-shut up!" Ed yelled, trying to get his hands on his brother's camera without dropping his pants, blushing heavily.

"These are _so_ going on the internet."

_And that's the reason why I love him_, Havoc thought, watching the humorous scene of the two brothers, before tackling his superior officer before he could snap his fingers and fry the office.

"The girls are _so_ going to freak," Hawkeye noted, "Alphonse! You're coming to my house on Friday with those pictures!"

* * *

Ahaha, I had fun with this one. Hope you guys like your present!

Brilliantly Me,

Shining


	11. Puzzle Pieces of the Heart

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**My Armor Owns Your Ashtray**

**Chapter Eleven: Two Pieces of a Puzzle**

To the untrained eye, Havoc was a very simple man. He didn't want to be bothered with anything when he was off duty and when the sun fell, it was time to (attempt) to proliferate. And this is something Alphonse liked. Havoc was easy to please and hard to motivate, wasn't full of secrets or mysteries, and liked to spend quality time with people. He never wanted to upset anyone, though his jokes could be a little…harsh, sometimes and he never made Al feel uncomfortable. Mostly. However, Alphonse Elric had very good eyes.

Al always remembered what his mother said about finding that special someone. Of course, being that Alphonse was only three or four years old at the time, he thought he'd only ever need his big brother. And so, one of the many words of wisdom his mother passed down, was that no one was perfect and that everyone had good and bad points. The only way you could ever be perfect, complete, was when you are together with your special someone and that there would be no else, as if a person's heart was one half of a two-piece puzzle.

And that is where the problem lays. To Al, Havoc would always be perfect; perfect smile, perfect vision, height, weight, muscle tone, personality, charm, voice, health. Alright, that last one didn't belong there, but other than the slight air of tobacco hanging around him and possible black lungs, he was fine, better, even. And sitting there on the beach, pretending to read a book under the shade of an umbrella, Alphonse Elric smiled warmly as he spied on his boyfriend, who had decided to crawl out from under the ocean and onto the beach, wiping water from his face.

It wasn't Havoc specifically that was the problem, yet at the same time, he was. If his mother was right, then Alphonse decided that Havoc received the outer portion of blessings, something the women on the beach seemed to notice. It was true, though. Jean Havoc was a sexy man with his six-pack, strength, long legs, dirty blonde hair, brilliant blue eyes, the works. The only reason he could never keep a date was what happened during the approach, something that the happy little brunette running towards him would soon realize. He'd be lying if he told himself if he didn't feel just a little bit jealous. Fortunately, though he didn't get to hear what exactly Havoc had said: the girl decided to walk hurriedly away lest he start gunning her down with horrible flirting. Havoc decided that he'd take that time to start walking toward his beloved.

"So why aren't you as naked as I'd hoped you'd be?" Havoc asked, sitting down next to Al, taking the book out from his hands and placing it behind them. Al grimaced distastefully as he noticed the beads of water ruining the edge of the book's pages where Havoc's hands had been, said man grabbing a towel and drying himself off.

"I don't feel like swimming," was all he said, watching as Havoc pretended to look for something in the bag behind them and placed it between them. "It's not like you _don't_ have unlimited viewing pleasure at home."

"Yeah, I guess," he said, Al smiling slightly as the other man's fingers intertwined with his own, safely hidden from view by the beach bag, "but that might be changing soon," he finished, gaze wandering over to the rest of the group behind them, playing volleyball.

"Maybe," Al said, following Havoc's eyes to the bunch of military men and woman. The score was three to one, Hawkeye and Ed in the lead against the Colonel and Fuery, with a very excited Black Hayate running all over the place and barking excitedly. After another serve with the Lieutenant and his brother wracking up another point, it was obvious as to why they were winning by such a lead, with Mustang trying to look as sexy as possible with every hit. "Then again, maybe not," Alphonse said, pointing at the very red, very angry Full Metal Alchemist who looked ready to transmute the bunch of girls hovering around his man into dust.

"But you never know, Al," Havoc said, "He's pretty possessive."

"He is, Havoc, but he knows that I want my space," Al responded, pecking him on the cheek. "Besides, you know how dense Ed can be."

"He _is_ smart, though, Al."

"We could have _sex_ right now and still be safe," Al said, before Havoc threw himself against him, pinning Al down, realizing just what exactly he'd said.

"Are you hinting at something?" Havoc whispered, nuzzling the trapped, squirming blonde's neck with the bridge of his nose, knowing full well that no one was looking.

"That's for me to know," Al said, wriggling out and away from the other man, but not without a playful peck on the lips, "and you to find out," he finished, smiling happily and tugging Havoc into a run towards Breda and Falman who had just returned with a few drinks and ice cream cones. "But first, save your ice cream before Lieutenant Breda gets to it!" he laughed.

"Aw, but come o—" he whined, then stopped and took a second to think, "Breda! Get your hands off of my dollar-fifty!" he yelled, before sprinting towards the returning two, Al in tow. After grabbing their ice cream, the two went back to their spot on the beach, speaking calmly with each other.

"See, Havoc? Dense," Al said, leaning comfortably against his boyfriend and taking a lick of the one cone they shared.

"Alright, alright, I'm wrong," Havoc said, "but everything will be okay, right?" he wondered aloud, resting his head on Al's.

"Yeah, everything will be okay," Al said, looking down at their fingers locked together. _Like two pieces of a puzzle, eh, mom?_

* * *

Right, so this had a bazillion edits I had to put in because I sent it to my friend who recently was rocketed out of her relationship (and by recently, I mean five-minutes-ago). Not only did it make her feel warm and fuzzy on the inside, she also did not fail to notice the many many errors in this thing. Like tenses...so here it is again.


End file.
